warning: contains belly

If you have a deeply instilled fear of outie belly buttons, which you definitely should, the best thing you can do to protect yourself is to be informed. Do yourself a favor and learn all you can so that you can avoid falling victim to this vicious malady. Know the signs and the symptoms and if you suspect you have a case of it in beginning or progressive stages I suggest you seek professional help immediately. To help educate you I have provided an example of an early stage of outie belly button, immediately before it reaches the point of exploding forth from its normal confines:

Saved your life. You’re welcome.

If anyone has been offended by this public message then please note that I am pretty darn pregnant, thus my belly has become more of a thing than a personal part of my body. This is evident by the number of strangers that now have the strong urge to touch it. Actually I have to be honest and say I’m happy to report I haven’t been fondled unpleasantly yet. I was only really belly rubbed on one occasion recently by a few people and the only one of them wasn’t a very close friend was a bit intoxicated, so I forgave his temporary lapse in judgment. But for the most part I don’t think I’m going to hesitate in telling anyone, even the littlest of all little old ladies, to take a step back, son. I’ve been practicing my “don’t touch my belleh!” karate chop. It’s on.

Speaking of food [seriously, I can take any conversation and turn it into being about food, it’s all I want to think about], here are some awesome combinations of flavors that my mouth has been enjoying: Salt and milk chocolate

• Chocolate and sharp cheese
• Cheese and honey
• Cheese and apples
• Apples and peanut butter
• Peanut butter and chocolate
• Salted caramel hot chocolate

I tried to make that go perfectly full circle but then I decided the real message I wanted to get across was this: food is AMAZING. The end.