can we just talk about 9 months for a second? i wasn't so sure about 9 months at first. 8 months was magical all over the place but 9 months had some rough spots. i eventually decided that 9 months is magical too, after origionally declaring it the devil after monday and tuesday of last week and then eating my words when wednesday was lovely, lovely, lovely. i don't think kahree did anything different. i think the fact that i finally said to heck with the house work and spend several hours just holding and kissing and laughing might have done the trick. please oh please, let me learn my lesson someday soon.
don't ask me about kahree sleeping through the night. i'll laugh at you. we're still cosleeping, much longer than we planned, obviously. but it just works so much better that way! even on nights that she does go to sleep in her crib i just lay there awake, missing and worrying and listening to the monitor and waiting to hear the slightly squeak so that i can run in and grab her and lay her down next to me and finally sleep. i love it. i love being so close to her, i love her tiny warmness, i love when her hands find me in her sleep and rest on my face or my arms, i love when she scoots up so she can share my pillow. i just feel like this is too precious to mess with, there's no time for implementing sleep routines.
let me explain. there's a Carter's commercial (clothing company for kids and babies + my favorite) narated by the voice of an adorable small girl human talking about the first night home and how the daughter and mother have grown together and how when a baby is born so is a mother and blah blah blah, all kinds of mushy stuff. well every time it starts i grab kahree from wherever she is and sob into her little neck for a while and beg and plead for her to please PLEASE PLEASE stay tiny. i can not even handle the fact that she's getting bigger and older EVERY DAY. i can't. it's happening right now. i can't stop it. but i want to. i wish so hard for kahree to stay my tiny little daughter, for her to love and need me with all her heart forever, for her to never stop wanting to be held. right now if i offer she will stop doing anything else just to rest against my chest while i kiss her head. how long is that going to last!? certainly not long enough at all. i need to pause her right where she is until i'm absolutely sick of it. but it's not going to happen, it probably shouldn't, it doesn't work that way. that would probably just make life wierd for her. i've reasoned with craig that i'll let all the other kids grow up if i can keep her tiny and he knows i'm nuts. i can't help it. having her is just too wonderful right now. but this perfect 9 month, laugh so hard all day, kisses with teeth thrown in, babbling and crawling and SUCH SO MANY SNUGGLES- it's about to careen right on out of here, bringing month 10 and 11 and concluding year 1 all the sudden, far too soon. she's growing up and someday she'll be too cool so sleep next to me, even if it doesn't happen until she's 13 it'll be too soon. so right now i let her sleep in bed with us all night long just to keep my heart from breaking into a billion tiny, worn out pieces.
that's our life right now. too much sleep. 4 sharp teeth. "momma" "dadda" "bye-bye" and "peppa." a great big dinner of solids every day and nursing the rest of the time. reading lots of cardboard books. not enough baths. tons of walks. a new winter coat. toys and friends at work 3 days a week. blurry pictures. kisses, snuggles, crying fits, real tears, fast crawling, too much growing and not nearly enough time. it'll never be enough. but i love what we have. i do.
p.s. i was planning on adding some super cute pictures to this post but my blog says I'm never allowed to post pictures again. maybe it'll work later.