yesterday was my first day in the third trimester. my baby has eyelashes, weighs about two and a quarter pounds, and is around fourteen inches long. and i love her like crazy.
i'm having so much fun with fetal kick counts, way more than i thought i would. she loves showing off her moves and even when she's sleepy she can get ten kicks out in minutes. how much she moves now is both weird and exciting. the hours i spend at work are her most active hours and at any given moment i can look down at my expanding belly and see physical parts of her, parts of her little BODY, bumping out rapidly, like boiling water. yesterday there were times when it felt/looked like her whole body was trying to make an appearance. i'm afraid she's just gunna bust on out of there if she keeps up like this, and in the meantime it looks like i'm a pod-host for a wriggly little alien. but she's not an alien. she's a precious little girl. i keep talking up how sweet she'll be and craig knows how much of a fireball she's going to be. he is DEFINITELY her favorite, she goes crazy when he talks to her, and i love it.
i love this man and how sweet of a daddy he is. at least three times a day he'll say how soon she's going to get here and how excited he is. he's fallen asleep with his hand on my belly while she kicks away at him. he's put his face down to talk to her while she's not moving and she'll instantly kick him in the mouth. he's put his hand on her little head while its poking out and felt her move it around. he's seen her little limbs strike out all crazy across my tummy and we talk about how strange and amazing it is. after she does something funny i always ask him if he likes her, and he always says he LOVES her. he's so much better at this than i am, he is so prepared to do this, and i so enjoy watching it happen.
i have been keeping up with weekly belly pictures for the most part, i just don't feel like sharing them. i still feel really, really great, i just don't feel like i look really great. not at all and it kinda embarrasses me. so i've been hiding. i feel energetic, comfortable, well fed [ha ha] and i'm enjoying my sleep, exercise, and preparations for birth. but i look like a train wreck. some days i don't put much effort into NOT looking like said train wreck, but some days i do, and then i get frustrated about still looking like a train wreck. i feel like i'm stuck in a weird in between phase where i'm obviously pregnant but i can't just roll with it yet. form fitting clothes make me look giant and tubby and feel claustrophobic. loose clothes makes me look frumpy and feel really weighed down. craig tells me i'm pretty and makes me feel better. and i stay away from the camera.
i'm so happy about this baby girl. but i'm not happy about much else lately. i'm having a hard time with things and life and it's throwing me off considerably. our living situation after two years of no trouble has suddenly become extremely stressful and difficult. financially we keep punching in the numbers for after babykay gets here and we just have to smile and say it'll be okay even though the math says otherwise. for almost a week now our apartment has been in complete tumult due to construction happening on/in our building. everything is a complete mess and it doesn't feel like any progress is being made. i wake up hours before i'm supposed to every day to the sound of hammers right on the other side of the wall from my head. i try so hard all day not to complain and then i do way too much. i feel like i can't do anything in my own house and i just want to be cleaning and organizing and nesting and setting up my new baby swing. i can't and i don't know when i can and i've been letting myself be very grumpy and hormonal about it all.
work is slow and stressful and i can't wait to be done for a while but that income at the moment seems so vital. i feel like i get in fights with our insurance all the times, bills i don't understand or secret fees they lied about, and i never seem to come out the victor. i'm becoming frustrated with what i think i want for my birthing experience and feeling like i sound insane whenever i talk about it, even to my baby doctor. i'm becoming frustrated with our work schedule and how it affects our social situation and keeps us from fellowshipping or going to church activities like we'd like to. it's almost the best part of the whole year and my favorite holiday season and i wish i was crafty and on top of things, better at making/giving gifts, a better wife, a better home maker, a better primary teacher, a better visiting teacher and a lot less lazy than i have been. i want to get out of this rut so i can enjoy this wonderful feeling of being an almost mother, preparing for my baby and working on making a home.
through all this craig has just been the best, and i'm sure that doesn't surprise any of our family members one bit. i'm obviously the big ball of crazy hormones in this marriage and he's the kind, loving glue that keeps us together. he's so patient and so optimistic. he makes sure i get the rest i need and tries to find ways to cheer me up. if i'm craving anything at all [i'm usually not, but sometimes i do, like chicken the other night] he says it's because me or babykay must need it for something and he makes sure i have it right away. he does fun things with me, like beat gears of war 3 and ratchet and clank 4 on co-op together until our brains start melting, or take me to the midnight release of Skyrim with him, or watch the last season of the office available on netflix while eating ridiculous amounts of halloween candy with me and gaining ridiculous amounts of pregnant weight.
this week we started a strict and wonderful schedule of reading the scriptures every night and every morning, to ourselves at night wherever we currently are followed by sharing and discussion and to each other in the morning, starting with genesis and working all the way through. we've never done this before, it's been so long since i've been consistent with my scripture reading and i feel like this is really going to help us stay positive and focused on what matters. i'm glad we're reading scriptures out loud and i hope starting this habit now will help us keep a family scripture time schedule after babykay gets here. i try every day to remember i have SO SO SO SO much to be grateful for right now, even though we don't know what we're doing or how things are going to turn out, we still have somewhere to sleep, food to eat, things to make us happy, and a wonderful, young marriage. oh, and a little, lovely, busy baby thing. she is just the best, best thing right now.
even though the "future" seems mysterious and crazy, and i'm talking in three months, tomorrow, and in a couple hours even, i know what i'm doing right now. for right this minute i'm working on laundry, waiting to switch loads and trying to figure out how to avoid folding. i'm planning on eating a gingerbread poptart and drinking something warm and delicious. i'm sitting next to my husband while he plays skyrim and tells me he loves me every five minutes. i'm listening to construction workers outside tearing our walls down and laughing. i'm waiting for them to come in and take all our windows down and replace them with plastic. i'm feeling my busy baby girl push against my lower left pelvis and my right ribs at the same time. i'm a little cold, a little frumpy, a little grumpy, completely in love with these two people in my little family, and i think i'm going to be just fine.
cute belly pictures soon. i want to have these times on record to look back on, even if i'm not super enjoying them at the moment, they're important times for us.