today was my little songbird's due date. i still miss her all the time. it's strange to think that once i was supposed to be having a baby right now. i am reminded all the time by how much better the Lord's timing and plans are than mine. i know she's doing amazing and beautiful things out there in the universe but i do sometimes still wish she could've been here with me. i hope she had time to send little squirt off with a hug when she got back, or at least a high five or secret handshake. i hope i have the ability to teach my babies about heaven and eternal families clearly and early on so they always know they have a big sister watching and helping keep them safe, cheering for them to choose the right so we can all be a family together again one day. it makes me so giddy to think that even in this lifetime if all i have are a dozen big, strapping sons i already have a sweet daughter. i feel so blessed to have known her and felt her spirit and personality when i did, it was nothing short of a blessing, something i didn't deserve but will always be so happy i had. i am not without blessings, craig and i have been so cared for in every spiritual and temporal sense. we are so in love and so happy and not at all scared or set back by the brief "loss" of our first baby. but we do miss her. i'm so glad that we'll never really lose each other because i already love my children so much that i don't think i could stand it at all. really, today is just another day in our worldly existence, we woke up like normal, we're going to work as normal, we've carried on. but to me it's still my sable's almost-birthday, and i'm so glad to know that she is loved down here and where she is now.
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