Wednesday, January 18, 2012

growing up

since i married craig we haven't been apart for more than a few hours even once. the longest span of time we go without seeing each other is when one of us is at work and the other isn't. when we're at work together we see and email each other all day and go on breaks and lunch together. the times i've been at home sick he usually ends up driving home on his breaks just to see me for a couple minutes. we spend all our time together and we start feeling weird if we're even in different rooms of the apartment for too long. we don't even go grocery shopping without each other. we just love being together. one of my favorite things about us is how often we're with each other. i never feel like i need "me" time or girl time or anything that would take me away from him for very long. i'm just happiest when we're sitting around, playing games or watching our favorite shows on netflix, riding in the car on our way to work or running errands. we never run out of things to laugh and talk about.

i'm starting to get really sad over the thought of not spending all my time with him anymore soon. things are really about to change so much and i'm realizing it.

when craig and i decided to start trying to have a family we had only been married a couple months. we were originally planning on waiting three years to try to get in a more stable place financially but soon realized that wasn't what we were supposed to do. we were supposed to have babies. i was supposed to be a mommy. i was supposed to stay at home and raise our little ones while craig worked hard to provide for us. this whole time being pregnant we've known that it's what we're meant to do even though it hasn't made any sense financially how we were going to do it. the numbers just didn't add up. i make more money at work than craig was making. he's been doing more complicated work unofficially without a title for over a year that he should've been getting paid more for but didn't mind because he really enjoyed it. there's been some talk recently at work of him getting an official title and hopefully a little more pay to help us get by after baby kay got here but once my 12 weeks of maternity leave and short term disability were up it wasn't clear how everything was supposed to work out. but it didn't matter, we were having a little one and we were happy about it. it had to work somehow. we knew it would because we had Heavenly Father backing us up. we were listening to Him and not asking how or why, we just knew it had to work out.

we thought we were going to struggle for a really long time. years. and we hoped that eventually we'd reach a more comfortable place when craig finished school. and that was fine. but last week i really started wishing that we could be out of debt instead of being in danger of gathering more of it after i stopped working. i was really filled with a longing to be free of our loans and credit cards and payments. craig and i played with numbers to try to see how much money we'd have to make to get out of debt in one year, just in time for craig to finish school. it was almost possible, with another job and a higher pay and longer hours it could be. craig started thinking about where he could look for a second job and i started dreading a life where i only got to see him a couple hours a day.

on friday craig was offered a promotion with a title and a salary raise at work. he would have a new boss, new responsibilities and a new, normal, monday to friday day shift. his new pay is one dollar short of double what he was making. all by himself he will be making barely less than what we were making together. we can hardly believe it. we feel so blessed and so happy. we just kept praying and saying thank you over and over again. craig kept smiling and saying to me that i can stay at home, i can be a mommy, it's really possible. with the perfect timing it's so obvious to us that it's a blessing for being willing to start a family even when it was so scary and didn't make sense. we can't live extravagantly but we won't go without anything we need. we're determined to be responsible and stick to a tight budget so we can accomplish our goal of paying off all our debts this year. we're so happy to not have to move and to stay in our ward boundaries for church. craig's new boss told him that his number one rule is family first so he is letting craig and i stay on the same shift until our baby gets here and giving him leeway for whatever crazing things new parenthood throws at us. i can hardly believe how good it sounds.

so soon we'll have a little baby girl, one day instead of going to work we'll go to the hospital and come back home not as young not-quite-newlyweds but as parents of a little daughter. i'll be a stay at home mom and craig will be a hard working, loving father. my daughter's favorite part of the day will be when he walks through the door after coming home from work. our lives will never be the same. i can't even imagine how happy we're going to be with our children finally here with us. we're on the verge of really truly having to be grown ups. even though i'm in love with the thought i can't help but be a little sad when i think about how it's not going to be just us anymore soon. we won't be able to spend every waking moment together. for at least eight hours a day we'll be in separate places with separate responsibilities and the hours we are together will be filled with hectic baby raising. there's even talk of craig needing to fly out of state for work sometimes now. i haven't spent a night apart from him even once this last year and a half. i can't imagine not going to sleep and waking up next to him. this may not be the definition of growing up for everyone but i can't help but feel like that's what's happening. we're really going to be grown ups, probably not very mature ones, but still. it's not just about us anymore. it's about our family and what's best for our little ones.

but tonight i'm going to sit on the floor in front of the tv eating dinner and watching netflix instant with my sweetheart. i'm going to soak up these last few days and weeks of it being just us. so far it's the happiest thing i've ever known. but i know that there's something even better coming. we want this baby girl so bad that i doubt we'll spend any time missing this once she's here. just in case i do though i want to have this to remember how in love i am with the life we've had so far. it's been completely marvelous.

here's to snuggling up in blankets with this cutie and eating dinner pretty much anywhere but the dining room table for 1.5 years of marriage.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! So happy for you guys! Thanks for sharing...seems like today I am needing to be reminded of God's goodness and that His plans are always the best. He never leaves us on our own.


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