since i let some demon spawn hairdresser cut most of my hair off into an awkward long/short bob in november i've been growing it out, cutting it myself off and on, and trying to reach some sort of glorious long hair heaven that i imagine exists somewhere. but the longer it gets they more unhappy i am with it. i love when i trim it myself but i give myself a lot of short layers and they've been bothering me lately. the last few weeks i've been imagining how great it would be if all my layers grew out to about the same length and turned all wavy. but then i remembered: before november, i HAD that. it was down past my shoulder blades, almost all the same length except for my bangs, wavy as could be. and i haaaaaated it. it felt all flat and lifeless against my head, which is something i always try to avoid, and it just hung low and heavy and felt plain and bulky. so now i'm wondering, should i really spend all this time growing it out just to find it's not for me? or should i give short hair one more chance, love it, or realize i'll never love it, and grow it out for the rest of my life in peace?
let's break it down.
here are the lovely ladies who have been tempting me with short hair lately. emma watson is the true culprit, she is STUNNING, but i think anne hathaway's pixie cut in her new movie is really trying to push me over the edge lately.
carey [so adorable]
pixie hair pros:
1. convenience. long hair takes forever to style and manage, and that's time i never ever like spend on my hair. it's not so bad when i ignore it when it's short but it gets more noticeable as i grow it out that i hate spending time on it. maybe with a cute pixie cut i might actually look a little cute after hours of baby labor so my baby can see a pretty momma and not a scary, crazy haired one. haha!
2. more styling possibilities. with long hair i could wear it down straightened or curly, or pull it up with a thousand bobby pins. but i hate pulling up my hair so that's not a real option, so the options seem slim. with short hair i would feel more comfortable with bows and headbands [i never wear headbands when my hair is long, i think it looks awkward on me]. i could flatten it or tease it up, wear a fohawk or pigtails, or a possibly even a bandanna or one or those cool forehead bands that all the cool kids do these days. it could happen?
3. i'd be less hot in the summer. my hair is so warm lately.
4. easier to dye.
5. i might look super cute like anne hathaway. the possibility is almost there.
6. i wouldn't have to pull my hair up at work, which is on the verge of being a must, i see the supervisors eying my length lately and i just know they'll make me pull it back soon. and i HATE that. i feel so ugly with my hair up, 9 bobby pins later, layers STILL falling out. blah.
pixie hair cons:
1. i might look super ridiculous with short hair. with the exception of maybe carey mulligan [who i adore] all these girls have super thin, angular faces and small noses. even carey's cute, round nose is tiny compared to mine. my face it very round, broad and NOT angular. i'm afraid i'll end up looking very round and chubby. or that i may end up looking like a lesbian. which actually wouldn't be so bad, just as long as i was a cute lesbian and not so very butch, which is really what i'm afraid of.
2. i won't be able to hide my face as easily anymore. look at that natalie portman. i NEVER let people see my forehead. my long hair is as good at hiding acne as cover-up is. i'm not sure if i'm confident enough to give that security up.
3. i would be cutting it myself, so it might turn out awful. awful. but i would never let any stranger try to give my a pixie cut.
4. if i hate it, it's a loooong way to go to grow it out again.
5. my hair is very, very thick. i was told by our family hairdresser [who cut four generations of the women in our family's hair] that if i ever went short it would just poof and mushroom out. she might be right. i might have a fro.
now let's talk about my long hair dreams. i imagine my hair being super long lion hair someday, almost to my waist. a half curly half wavy, knotted, semi braided, mess of a mane. it may look like a train wreck. but it may look like a bohemian dream. i also would like to be able to curl the ends, make it straight, make it wavy, put it up creatively [not the mess of bobby pins and wimpy pony tails i have now], and maybe look more like zooey deschanel. okay, let's be honest, i mostly just want to look like zooey deschanel. she has the BEST hair.
long hair pros:
1. i could look more like zooey deschanel. this possibility is priceless.
2. i wouldn't have to change anything for a while. my hair hopefully wouldn't get any worse than it is now.
3. long hair may be more "me." i'm not sure how to explain this one. but maybe it would fit my look and lifestyle better? i always pictured raising children with long hair even though it's so high maintenance. maybe because my momma has beautiful long hair.
4. craig may secretly love long hair more. he just doesn't know it yet.
long hair cons:
1. the upkeep is ridiculous. my lack of effort is looking bad already, and my hair is barely shoulder length.
2. i'm super impatient. and bored with my hair. i don't think i can wait it out for long enough. and i'd rather snap now and know for sure than wait a little longer and THEN snap. i want to waste as less growing time as possible!
3. with my body turning pregnant i feel very round and frumpy and unattractive lately. my mass of messy hair may have something to do with it, and maybe a short haircut would help me feel less bulky and better about myself.
4. if i go with long hair now i may never know what it's like to have a pixie cut. i'd always wonder what could have been!
i guess i'm really on the verge of whacking all my hair off. i'm definitely leaning toward the pixie cut because if it worked out, it would be so so great. but i'm really afraid of regretting it and wishing my hair was long again, just like in november. that haircut was literally the worse day of my life. dramatic, but possibly true. so it's still up in the air still. maybe it'll consume me so much i'll start sleep walking and wake up with a brand new haircut. you just never know.