How to be a cool lamewad like me.

Lamewad. Say it with me. Lame. Wad. Lame-wad. It means, roughly, a lot of lame stuff all wadded up into one person. It can be lame but it can also be pretty cool. Let me teach you.

1. Take a low-quality picture of yourself using a bathroom mirror and your camera phone. If you've ever had a MySpace you should be very familiar with this. Do not smile in this picture, for dramatic effect.

2. Wear pigtails in your hair that make your head look small and your shoulders broad- the secret is in the width of the pigtails, they must be much wider than they are tall.

3. Wear your husband's over-sized shirt to hide your muffin top.

4. Make that over-sized shirt a v-neck.

5. Own an iPhone just like every one else.

6. Wear your bangs over your glasses in such a way that your eyes cease to exist. This will confuse and excite people.

6. Wear obviously fake gages. Tucking your hair back behind your ears often so people can notice their fakeness is a plus.

7. Wear ALL of your jewelry on one hand. This will keep you from walking balanced all day, which is a must have if you walk a lot at work.

8. Wear skinny jeans even if you are not skinny. Actually:

9. Don't be skinny.

10. Wear awesome skate shoes even though you have NO intention to go skating of any sort.

11. Wear a strange belt.

12. Tuck in your over-sized shirt in like thus to insure that people can see your belt and also to insure that you really look like a lamewad all day.

13. Take another low quality picture in your bedroom of your entire lamewad get-up.
Bonus entries:
a. put the picture where lots of people can accidentally see it.
b. don't smile in the picture
c. include your unsuspecting husband in the picture
d. include your hideous, unmade bed in a picture on your blog for the fourth time today

And there you have it. Everything you need to know to be a beginner lamewad. A not just any old lamewad, a pretty cool lamewad of course. I believe in you. Go forth, young pupil.